Thoughts I had walking Wrigley tonight.
Maybe a chance to exercise my creativity.
Tonight, I was walking Wrigley (my hyperactive black lab) and I seemed to just have the greatest stroke of creativity that I’ve had in years. I’ve begun to look at things objectively in the past few weeks as I took myself out of situations and considered other peoples’ feelings and “realities”.
Cut away to explanation of what I mean by “realities” and then back to my point.
—–By reality, I mean the perceptions and viewpoints of the person I am speaking to, or what is really going on from their point of view. I feel that something that may be true for me may not be true for someone I am talking to…we can both walk away from situations and arguments with two totally different “realities” of what happened. ————
This act of viewing situations more objectively has led me over the past several weeks to the point I am at now. The point of walking my dog, taking ownership of his hyperactivity, and exercising him. Exercising him and disciplining him all while thinking deeply and discovering greater secrets about myself and the world around me (or perhaps not, perhaps I simply buying my own bullshit. It’s this sort of retracted double think that I will try to get away from).
Nevertheless, I begun to think tonight that maybe I’m not totally happy with all my decisions and where I’ve ended up. I am doing well for myself perhaps in the perspective/reality of others, but I see it differently. I see that, yes, I am making decent money for someone my age in this area and that I am one of very few people my age who own their own home and are completely independent. I also see that maybe I could be somewhere else entirely right now and it’s that thought that seems to derail all happiness and gratitude for my otherwise terrific circumstances.
I find myself thinking that maybe I need one lucky break. I find myself thinking if I can get just catch one lucky break, and get out of my debt, I will end up being successful. Is that true though? Why does the term “lucky break” exist and who normally uses it? Essentially, “lucky breaks” are for people who either have already had one and are doing well, or for people like me who believe a lucky break is all they need and then they’ll make things right. Impossible though, because an unsuccessful person in this country could already be successful if they made good decisions. Expecting some big lucky break to whisk us out of our circumstances is gambling, and it could be your life’s biggest setback to gamble away precious time working hoping for a lucky break. The secret here is ownership. You must take accountability of your own actions and work to leave the pit you dug yourself into.
——When I say “you”, I mean “I”. ——-
Building upon this point, I believe that the real source of my thoughts is desperation. I’m currently negative on my bank account, crapping blood every day when I get up, overweight, teeth starting to yellow, making my dog and my loved ones sad, and never 100% on my A game, i.e… being the best version of me possible. I’ve done little to no things to improve my circumstances, but I go down these rabbit holes to realize that I haven’t developed this human known as Christian.
My only advise to you, dear reader who made it this far, is that you heed this clump of unorganized thought pattern and focus on two true rules to success:
- Gratitude. Do not lose your attitude of gratitude. Remember that your circumstances could always be worse and recall that through faith in God comes all good things. Gratitude being one of these things as a fruit of the spirit and use this gratitude to always be happy no matter your circumstances. This is the first true success in life. Think of someone who isn’t happy. Someone who IS NEVER HAPPY. A whining coworker who always has something to say that they don’t like or appreciate. Remember them saying anything grateful? Maybe not so often if at all. Remember this. “Instead of focusing on what isn’t and what ought to be, focus on what is and what has to be.” Go to work and just focus on the objective as it is a business, and always be thankful you have a job.
- Taking ownership. Do you find it odd that I found myself thinking “I just need a lucky break” despite touching on being completely independent and making a good chunk of change? Or did you find it odd that I mentioned all my current problems afterward? Maybe you thought both things were strange but perhaps now you see that I included those details to provide contrast and insight into my current reality. After all, there’s a reason I have my point of view and a reason I made this blog. I recounted all the good and bad in my life, and when you see the bad you must understand that it’s all my fault. It’s no one’s fault but my own that I have debt. It’s my own fault that I am overweight, and I should have honed my discipline years ago. It’s my own fault that I’m negative on my bank account; after all, it’s due to wasteful spending that I am constantly that close to over drafting in the first place. My teeth yellow because some days I go straight to bed instead of brushing them and taking a shower first; is this bad? Yes. I have no excuse to make on it, simply saying I am tired when I get home and I need to develop my inner warrior who delights in getting things down no matter his state. The blood is due to Crohn’s disease and I exacerbate my symptoms by eating poorly, which comes down to my lack of discipline. I need to continue to work on my relationships with others, always making them develop into something more positive, and show gratitude for those relationships I have with my dog, my grandmother, and the rest of my family and friends. Owning all these things, putting them in a blog, saying them out loud, and taking ownership of my actions is likely the first step in fixing my behavior.
M.O.M 